The Silver Lining in "NO"

This four day weekend has seemed like a test in so many ways. I've felt physically tested because of the level of exhaustion combined with my growing belly and pregnancy discomforts. I've felt tested emotionally on many levels (hormones, reconnecting with old friends, mom stress, family stress, owning up to my mistakes..it goes on and on). Most importantly I feel like I have been tested in being honest with myself.

Being honest with yourself is not an easy thing to do. If you fill your head with roses and daisies all the time, you are doing a huge disservice to yourself. This weekend I've come to many realizations about the reality of my life. My biggest take away from these realizations is that there are a lot of things that I do and say and act on based upon my worries of the reactions of others. How sad is that? I've realized that I've been living my life, allowing additional anxieties, and limiting myself because I am so worried about what Joe-schmoe and Debbie-downer may think of me. I'm over it. How am I ever supposed to succeed at anything I really want or need for myself if all I do is try to make everyone else happy?

I'm not saying I'm going to start going around stepping on toes, flipping the bird to all of my loved ones, or stop going out of my way to be the best mom, wife, daughter and friend I can be. I'm not saying that at all. That goes against the fibre of my being. I'm saying that I know what I want, I know what I need to do to achieve those things and the only way it's going to happen is if I stop being so passive and afraid. I need to find the most assertive part of my personality and learn to use it. I need to not be afraid to ask for what I want and need. I need to stop sacrificing my happiness because I'm so afraid of being told, "NO". Being timid little (ha ha, that's funny--me? little?) ole me isn't going to cut it any longer.

The word "no" has always scared me. Just in these past three days have I really realized that "no" doesn't have to be a bad word. Yes, it creates a challenge. But whoever said challenges had to be bad? I'm determined that for every no I get from here on, I will find try my hardest to find a positive in it. It could be that, that response is for the best in a particular situation. It could also be that I just need to work harder and look for other opportunities and ways to achieve what I need. Other peoples influences are not going to determine the outcome of my own situation. 

Learning to accept I am the only one that has to live with disappointments by missing out on opportunities, regardless of what  others may think, is a huge part of finding balance within myself.  I'm going to test my comfort levels daily. I'm going to send messages to people.I'm going to work my business and make it successful. I'm going to look into joining that MOMS group. I'm going to make connections and friendships on my own. I'm going to stop shutting myself off just because I'm afraid of what someone else may think. I'm going to find and create my confidence.