Depression.

Its a bitch. I feel like no matter what I do lately there is no break to even attempt to catch. Life is throwing disappointment after disappointment in my direction. I have so much to be thankful for and that makes it even worse. Feeling like what I have isn't enough is beyond disheartening. Feeling like I have absolutely nothing to look forward to is slowly killing me from the inside out. I feel guilty for wanting to just give up. Finding happiness is seeming pretty damn impossible when the chemicals in my brain don't cooperate. 

I keep trying. I'll never stop trying. I'll try until I die. I just hope for my sanitys sake we can catch that break sooner rather than later. 

Someone can only pay so much into the universe while getting nothing in return for so long without wanting to flip it the bird. 

Being a mom doesn't give me that option. I have 2 little people that rely on me nearly every second of the day. Sometimes knowing that makes it better, sometimes worse. It would be a lie if I said I never wished to be free of being needed. 

Today is a true test in creating my own happiness. Today I will stop focusing so much on what needs to be done and focus more on what I want to do. Unfortunately, today what I want to do is nothing and for me, with my children, that is not an option. So, instead I will focus all of my energy into enjoying them and just being present in the moment instead of worrying about the future. Clearly all that worry is amounting to nothing more than self hate .

Succeed Together

This morning, I started my normal stay at home mom, work from home trying to make a little extra money on the side routine. I made my son breakfast and set him up with a movie so I could get in a solid hour of work with no interruptions (haha, yeah-right), I made my coffee, I sat down and started sending out my daily messages. After I sent out my end of month messages for the day, I continued down my list of daily "work goals" and started a video created by one of the top sellers in my company to hopefully work on a little personal development and feed that inspiration I need to keep my business moving forward. (Mind you, all while holding my crying 5 week old and really only hearing every other word of this video between my 3 year old and baby making typical kid noise) and then about 14 minutes into the 21 minute long vlog post something happened. I really don't know exactly what this woman said, how she said it, or why- but, her words pushed my brain and inspiration to click. This "gig" with Rodan+Fields has the potential to be so much more than "a little extra money on the side".

I started this business with the intention to help my family push past living LITERALLY paycheck to paycheck and give myself a boost in confidence by knowing that I am doing something meaningful for my family and providing myself with the opportunity to become successful. Today, I pushed way beyond that and realized what the REAL potential starting this business is for me:

As a woman, mother and wife in a lower middle class household, it has been a smarter financial decision for me to stay home with our children rather than pay for childcare. The cost of childcare is approximately what I would make, if not more. With a new baby, new bills, and new expenses the worry of not having enough is RIGHT THERE. I know I am not the only woman facing this dilemma. I know there has to be tons of moms out there like me, that really want to financially contribute to their household, but feel held back by their stay at home mom status. I know that this can be overwhelming at times, and even depressing. I also KNOW that I can help so many women like myself by introducing them to this amazing opportunity with R+F.

It's definitely not the easiest journey. It's definitely not a get rich quick kind of deal. But, it is REAL. I have the support of so many really successful women in this business and I know that if they can do it, so can I. I also know that if I can do it, so can you. BUT- without each others support we are nowhere near as likely to succeed. I genuinely want to share this opportunity with other women like myself. I want to help you, by helping myself. Look in to joining me in my business. There's no risk in trying.

If you can relate to my situation, I sincerely encourage you to ask questions. Do research on Rodan+Fields. You owe it to yourself to at least entertain the possibility of the things you could achieve if you tried.

Email me, message me on facebook, check out my website. We can do this together, and I want to succeed with you while helping our families along the way.

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Ease Is Not a Measure of Worth

I took a little break. In that time we welcomed our new son, Lincoln James on February 20th. He is absolutely amazing and we are so in love.

I'm not going to lie, I've been struggling quite a bit these past 5 weeks with staying on point with my mission to seek balance within my life. I haven't been so great at following my advice in working towards my own happiness, but guess what- I've kicked the funk to the side and am bound and determined to get back on track and work double time to achieve what I need in my life.

Adjusting to the SAHM lifestyle has been not so easy. I am fueled by accomplishment and its HARD to accomplish anything with a 3 year old and 5 week old in tow. Being a stay at home mom really requires you to be able to see the value in even accomplishing the smallest of tasks. I managed to unload the dishwasher- YES! I didn't loose my mind on my 3 year old when he blatantly told me NO and then proceeded to jump into that giant mud puddle after I firmly told him not to! woo hoo! I took a shower! Amazing! How DOES she do it?!

Let's face it, my life has been pretty much a month long of sleep deprivation,  boredom, stress and frustration. It doesn't have to be that way though. I mean, I really can't do much about the sleep deprivation part, but I can work on the boredom and frustration by continuously working my business, developing my patience through practicing being more mindful in my approach in dealing with the frustrations and stress I face, and focusing my energy and thoughts on becoming that positive and happy person I  know that I deserve to be.

It really all boils down to just that; allowing myself to find the positivity and happiness I deserve. Stop relying for whoever or whatever to drop what you feel you deserve in your lap and go out and grab it. Make what you want for yourself.

It's not going to be easy to achieve what I know I deserve, but nothing worth having is. Let's work on it, let's achieve it. Make it happen.

Determination in Overcoming Obstacles Results in Greatness

I am really struggling starting off this post. My goal for 2017 is to find my balance and to remain as positive as possible about life. Always looking to the bright side is down right exhausting. Quite honestly, it's infuriating at times.

Lately, I've been feeling that every two steps forwards, I have been shoved 4 steps backward. I know that its not entirely true, in fact, it's probably not true at all. It is how I feel though. Battling pregnancy hormones, general anxiety and depression is tough. I have constantly been feeling guilty for things that are totally beyond my control. 

Totally beyond my control. 

TOTALLY BEYOND MY CONTROL?

There is no such thing. Yes, life is throwing things my direction that are putting a kink in my ideal plan. Yes, I am frustrated and feeling helpless.Yes, I have felt like just giving up several times. Yes, I have just wanted to scream kick and yell every time I hear about someone else doing things I wish I could do, but haven't been able to achieve. I know that I am trying really hard to pull myself up and out of this funk. I also know that success does not happen over night. Determination is what I need to focus this energy on. I need to rely upon my determination to be successful, happy, balanced and achieve my goals. 

There are always going to be obstacles. There will always be unexpected bad news. There will always be shit you just don't want to deal with. More importantly though, there will always be your will to remain determined. It may be hard to summon at times, but if you dig deep enough, hold your ground against the negative and be stubborn as hell your determination will find its way back through.

Don't let other people, events, news, self criticism, doubt or any other negativity in your life bury your determination. Take a step back. Dig deep and be as stubborn as a three year old at bed time. You owe it to yourself. The pity party won't take you anywhere. Get your tears out, vent to your partner or friend and then make something of it. Use that angry/sad/negative energy to reignite that flame of determination. Step back, think about what keeps you going. Then do something about it.

In the end that's all it boils down to. Just do something about it. Don't sit idle and hope the universe throws your needs into your lap. It will never happen. Pay positivity, energy and effort into yourself and you will get to where you want to be.

Starting my business is what got me started in the movement away from this funk. Finding my determination daily, and focusing my energies on being successful in this business is what's going to get me to where I am need to be. In the process, I hope you reach out to moms like myself and help them find their determination and achieve their goals. Some day soon, I will be successful all because I was determined.

Happiness+Hard Work= Balance

The end of my pregnancy is drawing near. I have made it 33 weeks with no major complications! THAT my friends, is a HUGE accomplishment. Dealing with a high risk for preterm labor pregnancy day to day is probably one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. Thank GOODNESS, this go 'round has gone much more smoothly than the last with S-man.

Three more weeks until this cerclage comes out! But-- who's counting?! (ME! I'm counting! I am so in love with this baby already, but it would be a complete lie if I said that I'm not ready to have my body back!) I have so many things I want to do, and so many goals I want to achieve. It feels so good to be so close to scratching, "staying pregnant for 36 weeks" off of the list.

This Sunday, I will be able to scratch another accomplishment off the list and I am SO excited! I'm going to be hosting my first ever event for my Rodan+Fields business. It's going to be so great to spread the word about my growing business with friends and family, let them see what a gift working for this company really can be, and introduce them to some of the most amazing skin care products available.

Setting goals for myself and achieving them really make me feel like I'm making progress in finding balance. I'm the type of person that gets an idea in her head, and wants to achieve that idea or goal YESTERDAY. It's been a huge deal for me to work on understanding that taking small steps daily to amount to the end accomplishment, is just as satisfying as achieving that sought after end result.

I keep telling myself, that if I plant my seeds and water them daily then I will reap the benefits. I like to think that my seeds are what makes me happy, the water is the work that goes into staying happy and the benefits are what will help me achieve the balance that I am seeking in my life. It sounds super cheesy, I know. But seriously think about it. This is something that can be used in every aspect of our lives;

• setting and achieving business goals
• health/weight loss/dietary changes
• relationship building
• raising happy, healthy children
• maintain or improve relationships with loves ones
• LITERAL GARDENING (I thought it was funny)

No more feeling down on myself for not seeing immediate results. No more not feeling successful or not good enough. No more comparing myself to everyone else. I'm going to keep on planting my seeds, watering them daily and be happy in knowing that I am making all the effort I can in achieving my balance. AND THEN, I'm going to be even more happy knowing that all of my efforts will amount the something fantastic; A happier, healthier me that will be helping to provide the kind of life my family deserves. 

Pinpointing What Makes It Worth It

Today I am feeling discouraged.

I feel like despite my efforts, I have made no palpable improvements. I work daily on improving my mood, my life, my outlook, my mark by doing a job well-done. Today, I feel like nothing I have done was good enough. I feel this way frequently, as I'm sure most people do feel that way from time to time.

 It's days like today, that I need to remember why I am busting my butt day in and day out. I have to remember my fight, and why the struggle is worth it.  We all need to remember that living a happy, meaningful life is a process. Days that are discouraging will happen, they will always happen. We can guarantee that happy and fulfilling days will happen too. We can make those days come by doing one thing; pinpointing what in your life is the most important. That one thing or person or people that you want to do your very best for. Use that as inspiration to move forward. Move past feeling discouraged, and sad and defeated. Use that one inspiration as motivation to fight for your happiness and balance.

My motivation revolves around my husband and sons. They are the most important to me in the world. Without them, I know my life would be a much worse place. I add in my determination to provide a happy, a comfortable lifestyle for them, and I have my inspiration pinpointed.

Starting my business has really helped me realize the importance in taking the time to push this method of inspiring myself to the top of my list of priorities. Even for non business owners, especially moms that feel down on themselves from time to time, I feel like this is something truly beneficial for everyone.

Everyone deserves the tools to know how to make their own happiness. This is a great place to start.

The Silver Lining in "NO"

This four day weekend has seemed like a test in so many ways. I've felt physically tested because of the level of exhaustion combined with my growing belly and pregnancy discomforts. I've felt tested emotionally on many levels (hormones, reconnecting with old friends, mom stress, family stress, owning up to my mistakes..it goes on and on). Most importantly I feel like I have been tested in being honest with myself.

Being honest with yourself is not an easy thing to do. If you fill your head with roses and daisies all the time, you are doing a huge disservice to yourself. This weekend I've come to many realizations about the reality of my life. My biggest take away from these realizations is that there are a lot of things that I do and say and act on based upon my worries of the reactions of others. How sad is that? I've realized that I've been living my life, allowing additional anxieties, and limiting myself because I am so worried about what Joe-schmoe and Debbie-downer may think of me. I'm over it. How am I ever supposed to succeed at anything I really want or need for myself if all I do is try to make everyone else happy?

I'm not saying I'm going to start going around stepping on toes, flipping the bird to all of my loved ones, or stop going out of my way to be the best mom, wife, daughter and friend I can be. I'm not saying that at all. That goes against the fibre of my being. I'm saying that I know what I want, I know what I need to do to achieve those things and the only way it's going to happen is if I stop being so passive and afraid. I need to find the most assertive part of my personality and learn to use it. I need to not be afraid to ask for what I want and need. I need to stop sacrificing my happiness because I'm so afraid of being told, "NO". Being timid little (ha ha, that's funny--me? little?) ole me isn't going to cut it any longer.

The word "no" has always scared me. Just in these past three days have I really realized that "no" doesn't have to be a bad word. Yes, it creates a challenge. But whoever said challenges had to be bad? I'm determined that for every no I get from here on, I will find try my hardest to find a positive in it. It could be that, that response is for the best in a particular situation. It could also be that I just need to work harder and look for other opportunities and ways to achieve what I need. Other peoples influences are not going to determine the outcome of my own situation. 

Learning to accept I am the only one that has to live with disappointments by missing out on opportunities, regardless of what  others may think, is a huge part of finding balance within myself.  I'm going to test my comfort levels daily. I'm going to send messages to people.I'm going to work my business and make it successful. I'm going to look into joining that MOMS group. I'm going to make connections and friendships on my own. I'm going to stop shutting myself off just because I'm afraid of what someone else may think. I'm going to find and create my confidence.